Building your self-esteem from a low position starts by deciding to value yourself and believing that you are no less valuable than anyone else. Believe that you are enough, have enough, and do enough. Not knowing your worth is because essential caregivers did not appropriately esteem you when you were a child. It's not their fault; it's just a circumstance of your life.
FEELING GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES IS ESSENTIAL IN OUR BEING ABLE TO LOVE OTHERS - FRED ROGERS
Your self-esteem allows you to esteem others fully and loves your partner and others. Once you love yourself and quit punishing yourself with carried guilt and shame, you are more sensitive, vulnerable, and okay with being imperfect. As a result, you can accept other people's imperfections.
ONE WAY TO AFFIRM YOURSELF IS TO ASK FOR AFFIRMATIONS
In early recovery, I didn't like myself. I asked my friends to tell me or text me three things they enjoyed about me. People said similar things, like being a good friend, compassionate for others, creative, etc. I saved all those beautiful compliments in my phone and believe them wholeheartedly today.
THE SECOND WAY TO AFFIRM YOURSELF IS TO BLAME ELOQUENTLY
Every one of us has experiences in our childhood that we felt robbed us or could have been handled differently by our caregivers. If you think your parents were perfect, you are lying to yourself. Tony Robbins talks about blaming, but eloquently. For years I was angry at my dad for pushing me to do Engineering and never accepting my creative passions. Because of him, I became incredibly passionate and spent much energy finding myself and my talents. I thank him today because I am a fighter, determined, and connect to people in a way I did not receive growing up. What things do you want to blame your caregivers for, and how have they shaped you into the awesome person you are today?
THE THIRD WAY TO AFFIRM YOURSELF IS TO DO A SHAME AND RECLAIM EXERCISE
On a blank sheet of paper, write down two columns: Shame and Reclaim. In the Shame Column, write statements starting with I AM. In the Reclaim Column, write words starting with I AM. The shame column is something negative you believe in yourself. The Reclaim column is a positive reframe of the negative Shame statement.