Many people think the best way to heal from a broken heart is to jump back into a new relationship. It is like covering up a wound without cleaning it out first. Lost connections deserve to be grieved. Even if the choice was yours to end it, there is still the loss of the hopes and the dreams that must be faced.
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP THAT JUST ENDED
Why did your relationship end, and why weren't you compatible?
What toxic patterns did you bring into the relationship? (e.g., jealousy, people pleasing, not speaking up, low self-esteem, seeking constant reassurance, fears, avoidance, control, anger, magical thinking, fantasy, etc.)
What trauma and patterns still need healing that you don't want to repeat in your next relationship?
Are you ready to take steps to heal?
If not, what are you gaining by holding back?
What is your love language (physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, or quality time), and was the language(s) met in the relationship that ended?
QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT FOR FUTURE PARTNER
What non-negotiable patterns and traits are you not willing to accept from your future partner? (e.g., jealousy, people pleasing, not speaking up, low self-esteem, seeking constant reassurance, avoidance, control, no boundaries, smoking, etc.)
What patterns and traits, if any, are you willing to accept from your future partner?
What beliefs do you need in your partner?
What is your vision for the partner? (examples may be going to church together or helping support each other in your dreams or what retirement will look like together)
Start manifesting the future partner by writing down the answers to three questions: a. What beliefs do you have about your partner? b. What positive affirmations do you want to tell yourself about your partner (use positive language)? c. What position are you in (standing up, sitting down) when you are excited about your future partner? Close your eyes and let yourself visualize your future partner, what they look like, and how they treat you.
QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR READINESS FOR A NEW RELATIONSHIP
What are your values? These are fundamental beliefs that guide or motivate your attitudes and actions. My core values revolve around being present with myself and others: self-discovery, compassion, meaningful conversations, consistent relationships, and health.
What are your goals and vision for the future?
What are your beliefs?
What is your legacy/purpose that you would like to leave behind?
What is the "best version of yourself"? Are you ready to let someone support you in becoming the "best version of yourself"?
What are your needs, and are you comfortable acknowledging them in your new relationship? Your needs are aligned with your values.
Are you comfortable asking for help?
What is your intention in the relationship? Do you want a commitment and to do the work to grow to a deeper level with your future partner, or do you want a romantic relationship?
Are you ready to align 1-8 with your future partner? You will have differences, but ultimately you need to figure out what is most important to you and what you are willing/not willing to compromise.
Have you fully grieved the loss of your last relationship, and how do you know?
It's encouraged to answer these questions with time, not all in one day. It takes time to understand ourselves and what we need in a relationship. The more you know yourself and your patterns, the more likely you will be able to will have someone emotionally available and ready for a healthy relationship.