Are you struggling with finding love or with keeping your love going? Are you waiting for your happily-ever-after moment, and it isn't coming? The good news is you can rest because there is no happily ever after. Keep reading.....
HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER DOESN'T EXIST
Happily-Ever-After is a fantasy that we get attached to in fairytales, Disney movies, and reality shows. The message we've been told as kids and adults is that you'll find your perfect person, fall in love with these magic sparks, get married, and be happy and giddy all the time. There are no conflicts or mistakes because everything is perfect. And you'll be able to read each other's minds and understand each other perfectly because you are soul mates. Years later, you get the picket fence, the beautiful house, and the kids, and you are miserable. Then you get a divorce and start to date, realizing you still haven't found that perfect person. Why are you unhappy when you've been told to expect a fairy tale? Because we were all told a lie.
A PERSON NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO LOVE THEMSELVES TO FEEL LOVE FOR SOMEONE ELSE - DAN IN REAL LIFE
What if instead of happily-ever-after, you were taught that you need to love YOU to be happy? Yikes! That doesn't sound that interesting. Then you realize you are in charge of your destiny and can be anything you want. Gremlins invade your space and tell you that you aren't good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough, or you will never make it with your dream. You listen to those gremlins and feel defeated but convince yourself you won't make any money in that career, and the list goes on. You settle for less in your career and relationships as you think that is what you deserve. What would you be or do if you didn't listen to the gremlins? Who are you outside of your work, friends, parents, and children? What is your purpose? What are your values? You start to dig into your soul, get the nerve to ask questions, and find people you trust to guide you. In the process, you may even find something greater than yourself (god or a spiritual being), and things start to fall into place. You realize you need to take risks, change your destiny, and figure out who you are. Then you gain confidence and are happy!
THE BEST LOVE IS THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON WITHOUT CHANGING YOU INTO SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF -ANONYMOUS
When you're happy, you can cultivate love with another person. They won't try to change or control you when you meet the person. They will empower you to be the best version of yourself! The relationship won't be perfect, and you'll both make mistakes, but you'll be able to work through the issues because you know that's part of being in a relationship. You're not always going to love your partner's choices or have all similar likes. But you will be aligned on values, vision, and lifestyle, which will keep you grounded and remind you why you are with your person.
A LASTING RELATIONSHIP ISN'T ABOUT MARRIAGE. IT'S ABOUT COMPATIBILITY AND COMMUNICATION. AND YOU BOTH NEED TO WANT IT TO WORK - GOLDIE HAWN
What if your end goal is to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship? It doesn't mean you don't want to get married, but your focus is on having a fulfilling relationship. What would you do differently? When your arguments are turning into fires, what do you do? Would you try to look into your past to see what triggers you? Would you dig into what that is, why it's there, and how to change it? When you are afraid of rejection, would you check in that more? What would you do when you want to control your partner or a situation? Maybe you would focus more on figuring out your toxic patterns and breaking them before you marry. Love will still be messy and unglamorous at times. There will never be a happily-ever-after, but you've decided that you are committed to each other and want to help each other grow and become the best version of yourselves. You are now experiencing true love! It's much better than happily ever after because it's real and imperfectly perfect!