Updated: Dec 22, 2022
If you have any shame about anything that happened to you in your past, like you were hurt, betrayed, bullied, raped, or abused, it's time to speak up and heal. Shame is a powerful force. It can undermine you by making you feel unlovable. Others can use it to manipulate you. Shame prevented people from knowing me on a deeper level because I was ashamed of myself. Therapy, hypnosis, and recovery helped me heal those wounds. I urge you to find a support group or a therapist to work through the trauma. You will continue being sick and infecting others until you let the secrets out and start to heal. Your sickness can come in different forms, like being inconsistent, moody, indecisive, words not following actions, being a chatterbox in one moment and holding back on another, and the list goes on.
BEING VULNERABLE FEELS UNSAFE
I learned why being vulnerable felt unsafe. I knew why trusting my instincts felt so uncomfortable. My dad, the man who supposedly loved me when I did well in school, caused me to confuse love with needing to prove my lovability. I could never live up to his idea of success, and the bar was set so high that I always felt like a failure. My whole life, I wanted my dad to be proud of me. I didn't know what made me proud outside of what my dad wanted. I didn't know what I loved about myself. It took me years to find my worth by doing nothing and simply being me. I didn't need to prove anything to anyone for me to be enough. Wow, what a relief!
ONLY UNDRESS FOR THE SPECIAL ONE
I learned I need to be open and vulnerable with the right people. In early recovery, I thought everyone was safe, and I later realized that was not the case. Sometimes I still make a mistake and open up too quickly, taking off all my clothes and then learning the person I'm talking to has left their clothes on. Testing the waters and discerning who to share what with is essential. When dating, listen to your gut about what you should and shouldn't share immediately. If you are in doubt, tap into your support to help out. It's a decisive move to use your voice but do it consciously and for the right people that deserve to know you. With the right people, I urge you to take the risk of letting people into your insecurities and your authentic human self. It will open your world to the truth, which ultimately translates to loving yourself and others fully.