Your Last First Date. How do Overcome the Rejection?
A friend told me that rejection is protection, which means you are probably better off not having this person in your life. Your guide, god, or high power is protecting you from going out with someone that is not right for you. The good news is you found this out on the first date, even if it stings for a while.
REJECTION PROTECTS YOU SO YOU CAN SEE THE TRUTH
Have you been on a date and thought you had a relatively good time, but the next day, you received a text that the person was not interested in meeting you again? Did you ask the person why? I have been in this situation, and when I asked the guy why he didn't want to see me again, he answered that there was no romantic connection, and the conversation was too deep and overwhelming on the first date. Of course, like all of us, my head went into what I did wrong or what about the date was too much when we both asked each other questions. If you go to a negative state, don't beat yourself up. You can't control that first thought, but the second thought, you can. If you go into a spiral of thoughts, below are some questions to answer to become more self-aware on breaking that pattern.
I was sad and disappointed the day I received the rejection text and later realized that I love meaningful conversations and need some depth, even on a first date. It's okay that this person isn't into that. We are different.
BUT... I NEVER GOT CLOSURE
The worst is coming out of that first date feeling unwanted, unloved, unworthy, and not enough. This is a rejection without closure. I have struggled with these feelings; trust me, I can go to that place of feeling sorry for myself. I can feel like a victim, and sometimes we must get that out of our system. I realized that the closure is that I won't continue moving forward with the person, but there will be other opportunities.
The exercises below will allow you to review the date and maybe even learn a few things about yourself.
WHAT WENT WELL, AND WHAT DID YOU LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF?
This exercise will help you objectively look at the date. Write down what went well on the first date. What did you enjoy about the date? What did you like about yourself and how you handled situations? What would you continue to see happen on your dates? Also, what else did you learn about yourself on the date? Were you true to your values, or do you please the person you are attracted to?
WHAT BELIEFS DO YOU NEED TO LET GO OF ABOUT YOURSELF?
I am asking this question because my negative belief that I tend to carry when I get rejected is that I am too much. I go on a rant that I ask too many questions, overwhelm people, and my friends eventually will leave me. These beliefs are untrue but can take over if I let them. Then what happens is that I take that negative energy into my relationships. One of those incidences was at dinner with a girlfriend. My hands were covered over my face at the table, and she told me I had built a wall. Instead of thoroughly enjoying company with her, I was in my head, and I felt tiny. The negative beliefs crept up and impacted my ability to be myself with her. I was afraid of asking the wrong questions because she would reject me. She is a fantastic friend, and we have gone through some hard conversations and have never left the friendship. Why would it happen now? It's essential to look at how being rejected impacts you because it will creep into other areas of your life, as it did with my girlfriend and me.
WHAT TYPE OF ENERGY DO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT?
Do you want to attract masculine or feminine energy? If you want to learn more about power, I recommend you read this book. I wish to attract feminine energy, yet I am very masculine at work because I lead, guide, and direct. I want to sit back on a date and let the guy take charge. Do I always do that? The answer is no. This is something you might want to look into.
TAKEAWAYS:
Rejection without closure is draining. Remember, rejection is a protection to help you see the truth.
Tell yourself that you are lovable, worthy of love, you are enough, and you can't control how someone feels about you.
Accept that you may never know the other person’s truth when something is over. And that's okay.
Be clear on how rejection impacts you and how you bring that into your other relationships.
Define what type of energy: masculine or feminine; you want to attract.